You may have a friend or family member who has a child with autism who will be spending time with you and your family over the holidays. Here are a few things you might want to keep in mind.

Parents want to enjoy visiting with relatives and friends. The holiday celebration should not be a time where their child has to show the family that his social skills are getting better. Even if they are improving, this may not be evident during your family gathering. 

For parents to have a good time, they probably have to accommodate their child in numerous ways in order to have things go as smoothly as possible. 

What do they want from you? Non-judgmental acceptance and understanding, even if it does not really make sense to you. It may look like coddling, but in all likelihood the child requires numerous accommodations for the family to attend the event. 

Preparing for Change

If the child with autism is used to coming to your place, but it looks different for the holidays, take a few pictures of your place decorated and with the dining room table extended and send it to the parents. This will help parents prepare their child for how your place will look, and ultimately feel more comfortable when they do arrive. Pictures are also helpful if the child has never been to your place. 

Greetings

Some children with autism may not greet friends or relatives when arriving. Chances are, parents (and therapists) are working on this skill. However, it is often difficult for children to display skills they are working on in another environment. So greet them and tell them you are happy to see them. 

Affection

Sometimes children with autism are not comfortable with hugs and kisses. It is fine to reach out to them, but if they stiffen their body or don’t hug you back, just keep it short and sweet. 

Food

Many children with autism are very picky eaters. Tell the family that they are welcome to bring the food that their child would prefer to eat. You can also ask the family in advance, what their child likes to eat. If you can provide it…great! If they mention a specific brand name, be sure to get that brand. It will matter to the person with autism.  

Sensory

Often people with autism are very sensitive to sounds, lights, smells and textures. Some families dress up for the holidays. A child with autism may find dress clothing extremely uncomfortable. Understand if parents allow the child to wear something comfortable or to change into comfortable clothes after the “family photo” or the meal. 

Participation

Children with autism may have difficulty sitting at a formal table during a leisurely festive meal. They may not be able to play alongside cousins and family friends without continuous guidance and supervision from parents. In some instances, even with constant close supervision, remaining in a casual social situation is not a positive experience for the child. Parents may want to allow their child to leave the table early or play with the parents’ iPhone at the table. Maybe they want to let their child watch a video on an iPad in another room away from guests. Try to accommodate them if possible. 

A holiday celebration may be positive for many, however, children with autism often have difficulty when events are not part of their routine. Families are very appreciative of family members and friends who welcome them and understand that they may need to provide these accommodations in order to participate in family or holiday events. 

To learn more about Dr. Diane Adreon, internationally recognized autism expert, award-winning author, and public speaker, visit spectrumlifestrategies.com.